In our intimate relationships we seek to feel a sense of being connected to another person to the extent that ‘we are one’. A feeling that we may likely struggle to put into words but which, once experienced, we will want to repeat – indeed we’d like to feel it continuously
There are many theories of relationships, such as: That we partner with someone who can recreate the conditions of our childhood – in the hope that we will, as adults, be able to better resolve the traumas that shaped us as children and thus overcome the downsides of those traumas. In short we partner to become better people (ideally each partner performs this service for the other).
Schopenhauer, the German Philosopher, with his emphasis on the unseen hand of genetics as the driver of our partner choice, was perhaps more focused on the ‘will to power’ – the drive to replicate to allow our ‘Selfish Genes’ to continue to do so.
Either way, whether it is our genes, or our sense of self, we typically seek to partner with someone we think we know. Some might say someone a bit like our parents…
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