How to do things we fear

150226 Shenzhen sign postJust read a blog post from an artist on ‘how to show up and sell your art’.

Which is mainly about how to connect with other people – and while there is a longing for it, there is also a fear.

This is not just a question for artists – it’s for anybody who wants to sell products and services.

For a start I think art is so much more than painting, sculpting or writing poems.

Everything we do from the heart that contributes to the beauty and wellbeing of the planet and its inhabitants is, in my eyes, art.

But I digress.

The longing for connection – and at the same time being afraid of it – is valid for all participating in the ‘art’ of living.

So, how do we connect and communicate with other people when there is this fear stopping us?

Continue reading “How to do things we fear”

How to step away from ancestral trauma – and be successful using your gifts

150223 Oma 1950A strange thing happened to me the other day.

I got a call from a health practitioner. She was closing her practice – as of now.

This news was a bit of a shock to the system.

Had weekly bookings with her for the next 6 weeks, to help heal an injured shoulder.

The practitioner had been sick for over a week – and, when recovered took time to reassess her situation.

She concluded that some of her family members needed her help, even more than her clients did.

Continue reading “How to step away from ancestral trauma – and be successful using your gifts”

How ranking actually works in organisations

150219 real-org-chartA couple of weeks ago I wrote about how unconscious (and limiting) loyalty in a team can hinder results.

This concept can be expanded – from unconscious to conscious loyalties – from teams to an entire organisation.

In addition to the official org chart, there are several other orders in play, both visible and hidden.

Sales executives, working on complex strategic sales, have been aware of this for a while. When preparing a sales pitch they take time to find out about hidden dynamics in the target organisation.

Yes, whether we like it or not, order is unavoidable. The universe would break down without it.

Even chaos theory talks about it. Out of chaos, order is established, naturally.

Let’s have a closer look at what orders (or rankings) in organisations are really about:

We all know about bosses and bosses’ bosses. From the top down: CEOs, executives, managers, subject matter experts, people who do the footwork…

However, there is much more to the dynamics in an organisation than the naked eye can see. People have relationships with each other.

Some sales people and consultants do a thing called ‘relationship mapping’ at the start of a new project.

Which brings me back to ranking and orders.

Obviously it’s important to find out who-knows-who from outside work, such as family, sports clubs, etc.

Because these connections influence decision making, and other actions.

It’s even worth knowing who are the smokers, because during ‘smokos’ they usually hang out near the back door – and talk.

There are other, less arbitrary, categories:

Ranking time wise: How long has someone been with an organisation or a team?

This needs to be acknowledged. It’s also important for new manager to consider, and it’s often referred to as ‘leading from the last place’.

Ranking of skills: Someone who is new to an organisation, and does not have a management role, can have a high ranking in a certain subject.

Ranking on effort: A higher standing also depends on how much work someone puts in.

Ranking on investment: Someone who has a financial investment will feel more responsible for the success of a company than someone who simply takes a wage.

So there is a rich tapestry of relationships and orders which can be quite confusing when you’re new to an organisation.

Which can create havoc, when out-of-balance or disrespected.

But which can also make an organisation thrive, when acknowledged and rewarded.

This is where OCEAN and organisational constellations help. They can reveal  hidden dynamics and show ways to remedy ‘stuck’ situations.

So, if you are in such a situation, as team leader or team member, please get in touch with me to discuss what might be done. You, and your workplace, deserve to be in a happier place.


How to NOT say sorry

150216 AlphubelI’m back!

I did not send my last scheduled email

There are various ways to deal with such a situation – Here’s one you might not have heard of before:

A dear mentor of mine once said that saying sorry doesn’t make things better – unless you’re committed to never let it happen again.

Makes sense.

Here’s why:

The fact is – I chose a different priority.

Now, I could apologise, say sorry for missing a promise I made.

But does this bring the email back? No.

Would it happen again, in a similar situation? Probably.

Unless I change – and learn not to get so bloody obsessed about finishing something I feel stressed about.

So, saying sorry, without actually changing, has no point really.

I know, it’s not the norm.

Yet we hear many sorrys – and nothing changes.

People continue the same way.

So why to they do it?

Let’s look at an example:

When we’re late for something it’s so easy to say: “Sorry, I’m late…”

Just listen to it – what happens in you if someone says this?

You’ll probably say something like: “Don’t worry, it’s ok”

The other person just put you in power.

That’s what most sorrys are about – a wish to be told that we’re ok.

It’s a confidence issue.

Now, let’s look at another way of dealing with being late.

Imagine somebody arrives late and says: “Finally, I made it!”

How does that make you feel? You probably enjoy that this person has made to effort to come.

He took responsibility for his actions.

He effectively acknowledges that he’s late… but he made it.

Of course, if you’re really sorry about something you’ve done, or not done, and you’re serious about changing it, then by all mean say ‘sorry’.

And take steps to change.

If this resonates with you and you do actually feel you need to change, and want to develop confidence, get in touch with me.

You might be interested in my leadership program.

I can help you be the leader of your life.