How unconscious loyalty to ancestors really works

gTrying to live and do things in the wish to make it easier for loved ones?

I don’t mean making a cup of tea, or editing an assignment that it reads better.

I mean subliminal things.

Like having another glass of wine, even though you don’t want to, because you know otherwise he’ll finish the bottle, not matter how much is left in it.

Or limiting your own success, to support a perceived expectation.

Silly, isn’t it.

Drinking more wine doesn’t solve someone else’s issue with alcohol.

Not being successful yourself, doesn’t make someone else more successful.

And still we do it – even though we know it doesn’t make sense.

But don’t worry, such habits can be healed.

So, why do so many people have such irrational habits?

Here is why.

It starts in childhood, when we’re dependent on our parents. We love them – and we are loyal to them and our family.

For example, if dad gets sick, the child gets scared. Her survival is dependent on him being fit and being able to provide for her.

So, in her innocent love, a child’s logic is not rational. She thinks unconsciously: “If I get sick, my dad doesn’t have to – and will be there for me.”

Or: “If I am bad at school, my granddad doesn’t get sad because he couldn’t have a higher education because of the war.”

As adults we know that this is not how it works, our health and intelligence is unique to us.

But the child doesn’t.

But even as adults, these dynamics can still be active. They are just more subtle.

Maybe we get sick a lot and wonder why.

Or we wonder why we don’t have the courage to go for higher education, even though we know we are intelligent enough for it.

We are loyal to our ancestors, and are still, unconsciously, trying to take the weight of their shoulders.

So how can this be healed?

This is where OCEAN and Family Constellations are particularly powerful. They bring such dynamics to light, because these are systemic issues:

They are part of the invisible structure we have inherited and carry with us wherever we go.

Once there is more clarity, healing starts to happen.

Then, through a process – a ritual – unique to the constellation structure, such unhealthy habits can be let go of.

If this resonates with you, and you have a suspicion that you are stuck in such a dynamic, please get in touch with me.

We can arrange an OCEAN session to help you heal this.


How to become aware of what might make you feel exhausted

150126 View from lighthouseA week ago I wrote about how so many people these days are utterly exhausted.

That exhaustion also has to do with psychology.

Here is a little exercise that helped me to become more aware of the dynamics in my psyche.

It helps you to explore various options.

So, here we go:

  1. Sit down in quiet place, where you won’t get disturbed and can comfortably close your eyes.
  2. Let go of all the pressures and demands on you: you’re just not doing them anymore.
  3. Let go of your work.
  4. Let go of everything you ever wanted to achieve: dreams, aspirations, things you think you have to do for other people.
  5. Imagine letting go over everything.

It is possible that your mind will resist, scream and tell you stop, and show disastrous scenarios if you choose to follow these thoughts.

If this happens, tell your mind not to worry – you’re not doing this in reality, your just imagining it.

On the other hand, it can reveal two things:

First, a feeling of relaxation.

You might have forgotten how letting go feels. Even if we let go of something in our thoughts only, it can be transformative.

The second outcome of the exercise is awareness of roadblocks – where you are stuck.

Maybe there is something you really need to let go of – or at least approach differently?

You might fear of doing this.

Maybe you’ll become aware of a behaviour that doesn’t make sense to you?

One you’ve been trying to change – without success.

In this case an OCEAN or Family Constellation session might be useful to  resolve your roadblock – in a systemic way, without confrontation.

If you’re interested how, get in touch with me, I’ll tell you more about it.


Feeling exhausted? There is a way out

Gorge Central AustraliaHave you ever felt exhausted?

I don’t mean the one after a good day’s work. I mean really, really exhausted – up to the point where you regularly can’t get out of bed in the morning?

I came across a book giving a cure for this recently.

Prescribes a 6 week recovery program – changing eating patterns, the type of foods to eat and not to eat.

They say it will give you your energy back – and, there is a point to it.

However, there are many programs out there, detoxes, cleanses, diets, rejuvenating programs that promise miracles.

Get the badies out of your system – once and for all.

It’s not the full truth though – I can tell you because I did quite a few of them in my time and I still have ‘badies’ in my system.

Food programs and detoxes are not the answer to everything.

As it is with the mind programs. Trying to to get well with the power of thoughts only doesn’t work either.

So, the question comes up whether it could be a combination of the two.

There is something to it, but that’s not all.

You see, exhaustion doesn’t just come from eating the wrong food and not thinking the right way. The problem’s bigger than that.

It’s even bigger than the environment we live and work in, even though they too have an influence on our wellbeing.

Exhaustion also has to do with with psychology.

You can have everything else in place, but if you’re struggling with one of the following, very likely you’ll still feel exhausted:

  • trying too hard,
  • taking on things that are not yours
  • judging yourself for not doing things right.
  • being guided by shoulds and shouldn’ts.

The good news is that there is way to heal this. So, let me tell you a bit more.

The first step is becoming aware of such dynamics in your psyche.

One way is to try an exercise where you imagine letting go of everything that, when you think of it, makes you feel overwhelmed and weak.

You might experience resistance and fear. This is why I advise you to explore the possibilities in your imagination before you take physical steps.

However, you might also gain insights into where you’re stuck.

You become aware of behaviour that doesn’t make sense to you.

Behaviour you’ve been trying to change – without success.

In this case you might consider an OCEAN or Family Constellation session. This method looks at issues the systemic way.

That means it looks beyond body and mind. It looks at the human systems we belong to – and the systems and thought processes we have in our psyche.

This is why OCEAN can show you a way out of exhaustion.

If you’re interested to know how, get in touch with me, so I can tell you more about it.