Passing exams and assessing your skills correctly

I gave a coaching session to my coach the other day. It’s part of my getting official coaching accreditation.

In some way this was an exam.

I don’t know about you, but when I am tested in something I am often a bit nervous beforehand.

I’m used to that – often stretch myself beyond the comfort zone.

More nervous when less prepared – being not suitably prepared is a habit of mine.

Back to the coaching session – and the build up to it.

On closer observation there was an interesting process going on. The nervousness did not have any foundation.

I’m experienced in working with people and have a lot of practice in the model through giving pro-bono sessions.

Well prepared then.

So, what was there to worry about?

Nothing really.

Just an old emotion raising its head without reason – out of habit.

How to get out of this habit?

Change mindset.

Through awareness and acknowledgement – then move on.

Do you have an area in your life, or work, where you are underestimating your skills?

An exam? A performance review? A speaking engagement?

I can help you know and trust your skills.


Contemplation after a bad night

The world is not perfect – that day was a difficult day.

A bad night after a somewhat disjointed getting together with my husband the previous evening.

He’d had a long day, tried to disappear and forget about everything he had to do.

I needed his input on a piece of work.

He wasn’t able to say that it was too much for him.

An awkward situation.

We ended up not ‘connecting from the heart’ before we went to bed.

They say: “Never go to sleep when a disagreement or an emotional issue with a loved one is not cleared.”

“It will still be there in the morning.”

It’s true.

I can tell from my own experience with bad nights.

In addition you’ll have to spend time in the morning to resolve the issue.

So, you might as well do it in the evening.


Resolving an issue in a loving way, however, is not always easy, but it can be done.

Here is how:

First, it takes awareness to recognise that something is not quite right.

When this happens, congratulate yourself and take a deep breath.

Then, on the out breath, let go of the ego – of wanting to be right.

You need to find the right question or comment to unlock the situation and start the pathway towards a resolution.

This is possible when you come from a place of wanting to understand the other person – ask with sincerity “what is happening?”

Usually the other person relaxes, opens up and talks about what is really bothering them.

You can start connecting again.

This is what Stephen Covey means in his book ‘The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People’, when he talks about ‘seek first to understand, and then to be understood’

To be able to go through this process requires maturity of both parties:

The one who recognises the situation for what it is – and takes the first step in wanting to understand.

And the one who hears the sincere question – and has the courage to open up.


Then again, we are not perfect and sometimes it takes a sleepless night to be able to take that first step.

If you have too many sleepless nights and would like to find a way out, get in touch with me. OCEAN works well for couples too.


When does life start – really?

It’s a friend’s birthday today.

With surprise I realise it’s her 60th – already?

Not so long ago this age seemed quite old. Now it’s only 4 years to my 60th birthday.

Another friend is starting a new business in her 60s.

These days many people get a second wind at this age.

And another friend keeps developing her property, hands on – mostly by herself. She landscapes the land, has sheds erected and fits them out.

She put in a beautiful stair case from an old house, up to a mezzanine, to make a homy and inspiring place to create her art.

I could tell you all kinds of stories about other friends, who are on similar adventures.

And yet, another friend dies out of the blue two months after his 60th birthday.

People often use the term ’60 is the new 40’ to explain a trend. I wonder what it stands for.

Some think it might be just an advertising myth to sell more hair dye and makeup.

Really? Maybe the times, they are changing.

Some people have kids early and are grand parents in their 50’s. You could say, they are ready for new adventures then.

Others go on adventures first and have children later – or not at all.

When does life really start?

Does life start at birth, when we have children, when we go on new adventures, or when we feel fulfilled?

After all, these days we generally have a higher life expectancy.

I just read in a blog post on why 60 is the new 30 for entrepreneurs.

Apparently the 55 – 64 age group accounts now for more than 20 percent of all start-ups.

Not just that, they are successful in a more solid way – by using their experience gathered over a few decades.

At the same time we hear news about people dying earlier and earlier from heart attacks and cancer.

I guess, no matter what we try to do and invent and create for humanity, our lives are still a very individual journey – a combination of our destiny and the choices we make.

We can be happy and fulfilled no matter how long we live, or at what stage in life we are at.

What counts is that we claim the here and now.

That we are true to ourselves.

It’s our responsibility how we feel about our life.

So, what strategies do you have in place to stay true to yourself in the turbulence of life?

It can’t always be avoided: sometimes we get a big hit, or a prolonged challenge, and we find it hard to keep our spirit up – or find a solution.

That’s when we need to reach out.

Hits and challenges are part of life – so is asking for help, even if that is difficult for some.

But we always do better for it.

For example, you could ask me for support. I can help you in various ways – from simply listening and being with you, to getting you unstuck with the OCEAN process.

If this resonates with you, get in touch.

I would feel honoured to be asked to assist you in such times.


Spending time with a friend

Spent a beautiful day with a girlfriend yesterday.

It made me realise how important this is.

We had deep and meaningful talks, helped each other out with our professional skills, and just chatted in between.

I feel nourished and ready to dive back into my work. Finally complete the website.

Thinking of other girlfriends I haven’t been in touch for a while.

How about you?

When did you last spend time with a good friend?

Maybe it’s time to pick up the phone and re-connect.

It warms the heart.


Sometimes it can be a bit difficult.

Having an open heart can make you feel vulnerable.

It might be closed because you have been hurt, or even betrayed.

You might not have learned to be vulnerable because of the environment you grew up in.

If, for whatever reason, connecting with a friend is a challenge for you, feel free to get in touch. I am here to help.